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teardrops still fall...

Feb. 25th, 2010 | 08:15 pm

i saw her picture today and all i could do is cry. if i had known she look so sick back then i would have been there for. i would have done something. and now all i can do is cry because i miss her and she isn't here. my heart hurts so badly right now. and all i can do is continue to cry because that is the only thing that makes since.

tic toc

Feb. 17th, 2010 | 01:55 pm
music: light blub-rachel goodrich

oh the joys of being a student. well only 11 more months and no longer will i have people breathing down my breathe telling me they know it's hard to be student but if you manage your time correctly you can do it. well maybe if you people just assigned us assignments that were just time consuming and things that can focus our study better then the issue of time management would not be a issue. well no more stocker on phone. yeah it took one reject move and he disappeared just as fast as kool aid disolves. the last couple of days have been stomach pain horrible. i apparently ate something that was bad and got a slight case of food possessing. i know classic. the one thing i love deceived me. BASTERED!!! i finally invested in some key items. an adult looking bag. it doesn't have characters on it, words, odd prints, techno-color designs, or anything. it is a simple black Coach black C bag. i know...i know...i was just as surprised as you are when i bought it. i also purchased another new love. my P100 by Nikon. i have been looking at this camera forever it seems like (well 1 yr) you know how i work...and it's finally in my little hands and i love it. i can't wait to go take pictures now. this is brief. i have to get back to time managing my life.

liar, liar pants on fire...

Jan. 31st, 2010 | 04:13 pm
music: float on--modest mouse

the weekend is almost a wrap. it's crazy how fast the weekend passes and then the week drags. that is life though. ahhh work was a killer on saturday. i ran 33 records and took in 2 interviews. ahhh i was going to die at the end. to finish my long day i got to get in to an argument(ok discussion that got loud) with my mother. what's new there huh. today was good; i went to church and then lunch at daisy's. in about 20 mins i'm off to watch the girls. never stop huh. church was good because i realized something. i'm always blaming my failed relationships on the fact that someone told me once that i'm not the kind of girl you date and keep around. that i'm the kind of girl you have fun with and then move on. well today in church he talked about not giving that power to someone and that the only person who can love you is god. and that is so true and that i can't let that lie determine my future. i am the kind of girl that you can have around for a long time. I'm offically giving that lie to jesus and letting him take that and shine his light in to and make it disappear. (HA...TO THAT LIAR WHO TOLD ME THAT). other then that more reading and headaches to come. luv and rockets...

what happen to ALL the great men?

Jan. 28th, 2010 | 08:45 pm
location: fr. MY bed
mood: contemplative contemplative
music: Gravity-Sara Bareilles

HA!!!!!!!! i was right. it was only a BC (booty call) What happen to all the great men in the world? LIKE REALLY GUYS!!!!!!! like what happen to being a gentleman and all that stuff. i'm not asking for much now. This guy was such a douche bag and because i said something almost 3 yrs ago now, that i'm still interested. People grow and change over time and that ship sailed a long time ago. ahhh so frustrated because just when i start to drop my guard and really get in to this; i get let down. I'm glad i didn't buy in to it because i think my feelings would have been hurt but all i really want to say is "GET SOME NEW MOVES JACKASS AND U SUCK". "new direction in life...ha... i wonder what idiot girl fell for that one.

----i have to admit sometimes i hate being right

I've been dating since I was fifteen! I'm exhausted! Where is he?- Charlotte from Sex in the City

Jan. 27th, 2010 | 03:27 pm
mood: curious curious
music: Polite Dance Song-The Bird and the Bee

It's so funny how i turn to my livejournal in times when i can't stand to hear my idea running in my head anymore. I'M BACK!!! haha in every entry I'm back because there is always this huge gap in my writing entries. Well this is the start of Senior year and i thought it would be a good time to document this time in my life. SO no longer in the traffic department either. the bitches laid me off after 4 yrs of hard work and putting up with so much but i can't complain to much because some wonderful things came out of working at that place. (i now work for pretrial services) I now have a god-son and okay lets stop catching up and get to the present.

so this guy i met about 2yrs ago is making his way back in the picture(hahah relationships...sorry common theme of my livejournal. i'm either in a relationship or getting out of one...whatever)well this guy has completely caught me off guard. like a left handed cross punch. i never been persued in the way that he is pursing me either. it strange and foreign to me. I'm use to either flirting back and forth to the point that they are interest and i draw them in and have a couple months of fun and then life kicks in again and the relationships turns into a friendship and that's it or i have my way and run. i know i've never been healthy in the relationship department.(the girls that have successfully master the subject of relationships; i give you two thumbs up) SO tonight i'm gonna hangout with him and see how things go. I could either have a good time and see that this guy is not strange and that there is something there, gain a friend, or be calling my friend and 911 ( hahah that is a joke.) i check my horoscope like normal and even it said that maybe it's time that i stop being a party of one and have partner to climb my mountain of life with me or some mumbo jumbo like that.

we can only see...right...

wrap up

Jun. 27th, 2008 | 02:45 pm

so much has happen since the last time i wrote in this thing. the last thing i wrote was i was leaving to idaho for some winter fun which i did have and then i had to come back to the reality that winter fun can't last forever and sadness sometimes falls. my grandma passed away in feb. it's now been 4 months and i'm slowly get over it. her death was sudden and sad and wasn't suppost to happen. but in the mix of the darkness something wonderful did happen i started a relationship (i know scary). fun and exciting like the first drop on rollercoaster but all rollercoasters must end and come back to it's station and so did the relationship not to long ago. I'm not really sad because we both ended. we both have exciting new things coming up in our lives and we both don't know how to incorporate each other in to our seperate projects so it's easier to remain good friends and live it up that way. so that's the general wrap up.

not so good.
it's been two weeks since the end and i have been happy and doing good but i had my first moment today where i missed him. i was the fifth at lunch. my two friends and their partners. and me the lonely order of fish tacos. i should have got a box to go.

peace for now. i am at work. got to get back to the grind.


Jan. 3rd, 2008 | 01:05 pm
music: dashboard confessionals

leaving on a jet plane...idaho or bust...

(no subject)

Dec. 18th, 2007 | 11:33 am

omg this girl is really starting to get to me. i swear her and i have this six month relationship and every six months i can't stand her. i swear she talks i want to hit her, she breaths and i want to hit her, she complains and i want to hit her, she walks and i want to hit her, is everyone seeing my trend. i want to hit her. man its the session to be nice and sweet and all that i want to do is bet her and laugh and get pure enjoyment. man i'm so the grinch that stole christmas. hahhaha.

(no subject)

Dec. 10th, 2007 | 01:39 pm
mood: optimistic optimistic


I was a bay tree
Quiet and unseen
I lived in stories but inside I kept a mystery
I was a starling
Nobody's darling
Flying in perfect circles just for company

And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready to be extraordinary

A midnight airplane
A window blowing
I know I am another sparkle in the sky
I shine on copper
Still undiscovered
But you might see me in the corner of your eye

And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready to be extraordinary

Waking up to wake up someday
I am my own parade
Stopping off at a sidewalk cafe
Wind is playing in the trees
Kick up confetti leaves
Seems as if it's all to say

And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready to be extraordinary

And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready to be extraordinary


Dec. 3rd, 2007 | 09:49 pm
mood: annoyed annoyed
music: a fine frenzy

How come i alway end up in the same spot i started. I'm starting 22 not knowing and not understanding but, maybe I'm not suppose to. Once again i invested my heart in something of no worth and once again i left with a moment i can't return and time i can't get back. this year no promises and no goals just passing by.

"watching the sky, you're watching a painting
coming to life, shifting and shaping
staying inside, it all goes
all goes all goes all goes by
stopping the time, the rush and the waiting
leave it behind, shifting and shaping
keep it inside, it all goes all goes all goes all goes by"